Saturday, February 7, 2009

X

I've always made the good choices. Yeah, I fuck it up a lot. But there is never a time when I sit back and say "Shit, I should have...yada yada." The time when I'd just rather die. He tried to off himself. And if he had died, it would have been on my hands. He came to take me to the hospital to see him and I said no. I went and got drunk. Made new friends doing ecstasy. And I'll never get a chance to apologize. He made my life hell years ago and here I am feeling sorry for being the reason he would have died. Life is never what you expect it to be. Stop making plans.

1 comment:

Terog said...

Forgive me if this seems callous but the moment you make yourself responsible for someone else's decisions is a bad, bad, moment. Don't do it. The operative word there is _He_, not you. You don't need to hurt yourself, escape through drugs, or avoid him at the hospital because you would have been the reason that he died. That is f-ing ridiculous. Taking your own life has almost nothing to do with anyone else, no matter what he or anyone else says. It is a sick and manipulative person who even suggests another person might be responsible for their decision to take their own life. Don't allow anyone to insert you into their issues. You've got enough to deal with on your own. We all do.