Repeat repeat.

This one is to you. Again.

Dear ____,

It was never like I wanted everything to happen that way. And it's certainly not how I wanted things to turn out. In the beginning, it was easy to not feel much. Well, I don't know if that's the right way to say it. I felt something. Just not like you. Something told me that you chose me because she wasn't available anymore. I was the second best thing. After awhile and you made the choice and I forgot about it. You were so perfect and that was so wrong for me. I got mad all the time because I knew I didn't deserve you and when the next girl came around I'd be left behind. I don't know how long she has been there. I'm scared to know. I think you really did love me. I know it was hard. I know. You loved me even though I wasn't the best. I don't think it was what I was ready for. After my whole life of never being loved without questions and then you come along and get really close. But not close enough. You left. That's what killed me. Why should everyone else get to be loved so unconditionally? At all, even? When I am not loved at all. At the end, I was just second best. I think I was the whole time. Just until your budding relationship got going. That was the only time you needed me. But I needed so much more. I don't know what could have happened later on. If you were the "one" but that's just the thing. I don't know. I'll never get to know. With everyone else it was so easy to know they weren't right. But, you could have been. I hate that fact. You know that saying "better to have loved and lost than never loved at all"? Maybe it's not true. Not for all of us. Maybe it only applies to the people who have been previously loved. People who were born with people and families who have loved them unconditionally. To be honest, everything that I have gone through, if I wasn't able to change it, I would want it all gone. No matter how amazing you were. To lose something perfect isn't worth going back and risk losing it again.
I still love you.
And so does she.
I know who comes in second place.

Always,
Emily