You're a friend.

Ahh, yes. Yet another letter that will never be read by anyone but me.

Dear ______,

You are right. You know it. I know it. I wish I could listen to you. Most of all, I wish I could explain to you, but you mean so much to me, that I don't want to tell you because I care about what you think. That's why I tell other people my secrets before I tell you. What they think won't affect me but if you were to ever think badly of me, I would be really upset. My reasons are stupid and they hardly make sense. I want so badly to just talk to you but I can't. I'm afraid you won't understand and if you can't, then no one will be able to. I have made so many mistakes and I don't want losing you to be one of them. We never fight and although this technically can't be considered one, I know what you mean. You know me and you are right. What I am doing, isn't who I am. To be honest, I have no idea who I am. I know who I'm not. This isn't me. I think that maybe people find themselves and then see who they aren't later on. For some reason, I'm going backwards. It's really dangerous and odd but I think knowing who you aren't is just as important as knowing who you are. I hate that I can't stop myself. Just yell at me. That would help. Or, maybe it wouldn't. Knowing you are dissapointed in me may be worse. I never cared whether or not people were dissapointed in me until you and her came along. You mean the world to me. I want to be myself because I know that if I'm not, I'll turn out to be the same as her. I've become one of those people we always dissaproved of. We were so much better. I knew you guys were so much better than me. I just never knew I was so much worse. Just don't give up on me yet, okay? Just not yet. Not yet.

Emily

P.S. What I did can't be taken back and I'm so stupid for it. I'm way ahead but you guys are so close to leaving me behind. Just like they did.