Letters to the Unnamed.

This is a letter to someone who shall remain nameless (for their own sake because I have lots of very strong easily-angered friends). I haven't ever had the guts to actually write this person a letter or tell them what the following letter explains (well, not entirely) and I felt it needed to be said. Even if I am the only one who will ever read it. I hope you know who you are. In more ways than one.

Dear ____,

I am disappointed in you. Extremely disappointed considering the stupendous amount of hope I had in you and what you could give. The promises you made to me where more that hollow words. To me, they meant something. You should definitely think about an acting career because everything you said to me turned out to be a horrible lie. No one gives up like that. Especially you who was so stubborn and never gave up on anything. And sadly, I see why you left. She's cute. Freckles, sparkly eyes, nice smile. From what I can tell, she's perfect for you. And she's been there for a while, even when I was there. And I had no idea until every last amount of dignity I had left was gone. What's worse is that you and I both know you got the better end of the deal. You took your time to ease away then hit me with everything like an atom bomb. It's not like it is in movies. The broken, pathetic girl doesn't get to be happy. Her whole life doesn't become some fairytale. She's left wishing she was dead and away from her empty shell of a life. I got fucked over. And somehow, you still have me. You have me when you tossed me aside. Every freaking memory with you just makes my chest ache more. Sometimes I think I see your face in other people. I see you in my friend who makes the same jokes as you. I see you in my parents who never knew. I see you in myself who you used to care about. For god sakes I see you in my dog who we used to talk about. Everything I have now just seems sullied by the mere remembrance of you. You're off and running and I'm still not done falling. I want to be rid of you but I am stuck because you won't leave. I'm going insane because of you. I'm starting to forget how to breathe. I can't even feel my body. You were never a jerk. Not technically. But you are cruel in the worst of ways. Not meaning to, but you could have helped it. To be honest, I sometimes fear that you might be the death of me. You gave up on me and it makes me feel like I'm not worth fighting for. I would have fought for you. I did fight. Why wasn't I enough for you? Why didn't you believe in me? Why should you get to be happy and why should she get to love you? I want to hate her. But it would be so unfair. She never did anything. You did but I can't bring myself to hate you. I want to be happy, too. They say it's a choice to be happy but every time I smile it's like someone comes along and slaps it off my face. I feel like giving up. I just never want to get up off the ground. Suicide is for pussies but I don't think it will come to that. You've done most of the killing. All I need is to lie here and let go. I really want to.


Emily



That's my letter and although no one reads this, I hope he finds it. I secretly want him back, but he's already somebody else's.